I have friends who have it all figured out. We keep talking about love and boys and what they mean to us. We keep planning our lives and weddings and the names of our children. We keep thinking about our future husbands and the kinds of lives we’ll have together. Or they do. Somehow the idea of getting married and having kids in my twenties doesn’t feel right. I’ve wondered why this is. Am I just that different? Is there something wrong with me? Am I emotionally dead? The answer could frankly be any of those, but I’ve realized that the core of my issue isn’t that technical, but instead quite romantic. I’m already in love and committed.
This all sounds very ”object sexuality”-ish, I’m just missing the Eiffel tower or the Statue of Liberty. My seedling of a career doesn’t take me out for dates, doesn’t send me messages (if push notifications from LinkedIn don’t count) or cuddle me late at night. Instead if gives me stress, anxiety and loss of hair. But I wouldn’t change a thing.
And I wonder, when people make these plans to marry and live their fairytale lives, where do they leave their jobs? I feel very different from my peers in that I don’t plan my wedding or all the things that I’ll do with my time when I’m working. No, I plan the work. I plan the career and all it brings. I’m in love with this man and he is glorious. He’s powerful, he’s confident and he’s absolutely charming. He just happens to be my career.
Now, I’m not saying I enjoy being alone. I actually detest it. Being an extrovert, I get my energy from people. I like being around others, exchanging ideas and points of view. I like busy cafés and bars filled with people. But I think it isn’t so much about what people are or that I don’t value them, it’s just a matter of priorities. Just as someone thinks having kids is on the top of their bucket list, having a fulfilling and enjoyable career is on the top of mine.
But just as all of those friends of mine, I know that unexpected things are going to happen. They realize that as the 25 mark and the isles they once planned to walk down get closer, they are, in reality, no where near that life. I’m aware that my road, just as everybody else's, no matter what they commit to, will be ridiculously rocky at times. But as they say, when you know you know.
